Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
