just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
