guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
