I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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