he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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