You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
