Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
