Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
