Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
