I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
