i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
