My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
