Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
