just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
