So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
