Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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