Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
