Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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