what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
