apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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