loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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