I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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