Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
