I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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