I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
