sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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