My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
