woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
