mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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