trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
