Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
