I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
