Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she peed on how many people?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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