i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i've created a new STD.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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