sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
