i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm like, not good at living.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
