Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
