He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
