I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
