My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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