My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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