we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
