life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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