she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
