i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
