i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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