What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did I show you my penis last night?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
