How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
