Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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