Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
