is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
